On Sunday morning, I sat down in my comfy office chair to meditate. I noticed I felt alone, so I stopped meditating and concentrated on the physical sensations in my chest and throat.

So far, so good.

But then I remembered feeling alone as a kid. I wondered what was underneath it. Tried to figure out what it meant.

Within minutes, everything in my office felt like it was behind glass. My partner walked by and seemed like a complete stranger.

That's dissociation. It’s zero fun.

Feeling your feelings is helpful. Analyzing them isn't.

The difference between feeling and analyzing is what part of your body you're focusing on.

If you focus below your chin, you're feeling.

Taking time to feel your feels is important. If you don’t, they get stored in your body. Subconsciously, they keep shaping how you show up.

Which means you respond to both what’s happening right now and what you experienced in the past.

Feeling the physical sensations as they come up or when you can means you're fully present with what’s happening right now.

If you focus above your chin, you're remembering. Wondering. Analyzing.

Analyzing your feelings is a reflex for people who overthink.

Because your head is a familiar place. Being up there is more comfortable than sitting with what you feel.

And because letting yourself feel your emotions can seem like you're on the cusp of a life-changing insight. So your inner analyst starts digging for meaning.

But when you start analyzing, you stop feeling. You lose your connection to your body.

At best, you’re not fully present. At worst, you're really not present, dissociated like me.

What you feel is real. The meaning you give it isn't.

Feelings are actual physiological events in your body.

But your interpretation of them is all in your head.

"I feel worthless" is not the same as "I am worthless."

It can be hard to remember this distinction when a feeling is tied to your past. Especially trauma. The meaning you give it seems as true as your heartbeat.

When an emotion feels especially deep or old, you might want to explore it. But don't do it alone. Get the support of a therapist.

A growth experiment

The next time a feeling comes up, notice where your attention wants to go. Below your chin or above it?

Then use this 10-minute meditation to keep your focus on your body. When it ends, take a deep breath and move on with your life.

All my best,

Jenni

PS. This cohort of The Art of Connection is so dang good! It’s my 8-week program to get your head out of your way so you can create the relationship you want.

If you decided not to join last month, I’d love to know why it wasn’t a good fit for you. Just hit reply and let me know.